You know, when I started this blog I invisioned charting my continual progress as a dancer – a nice, diagonal line going onwards and upwards, like the side of a pyramid (oooh, topical!). But you know how pyramids look when you get up close? All jagged and and messy with bits hanging off. I have seen it in pictures. And that is exactly how my dancing feels at the moment.
As you can see from the title of this post, tonight we had an hour long workshop on Spins, Turns and Pivots. This is an area of dancing I desperately need to practise because I do feel a bit nervous with the world spinning all around me at a thousand miles an hour. Call me old-fashioned. Anyway, we did this brilliantly well-thought out workshop incorporating several common turns used in belly dance – three point turns, crossover turns, paddle turns and inside out circles (where your hips circle to the opposite way you are turning). It ended in a short choreography to put the turns into practice. Well, actually for me it ended with sitting in a chair awkwardly clapping everyone else because I SUCK. You remeber how I said a couple of posts ago that when I get frustrated I get very upset and panicky? Well, it happened again, and I ended up sitting out the last fifteen minutes because I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone watching me do something imperfectly. Dear Diary, why am I so crap?
I do feel this is becoming a bit of a problem for me and I really want to overcome it – how can I push through that wall that springs up every time I struggle with something? As my teacher quite rightly (and sweetly, for she is a darling) pointed out, if I already knew how to do everything there would be no point in me coming to workshops! But if I don’t get something within the first couple of tries, I become convinced that I never will. Take today, for example. Inside out turns. I simply could not get it, even when my teacher was standing right in front of me and breaking it down into small movements. Nope. Brain freeze, leading to complete panic and the wish to dissolve into a puddle. Yet I come home, look in the mirror and do it first time. Why?
It does seem a bit self-indulgent to say all this, but really I suppose I’m hoping that I’m not alone! I’m still trying to get my head around the fact that learning a new skill – any new skill – is not necessarily linear. You forget things from week to week, make mistakes, have days when you feel useless, and I think what I’m trying to understand is that its ok to be a bit rubbish sometimes. Surely I wont always be?
I don’t want to end on a negative note – I’ve already done that once today. So, positives. I practised spotting and maintaining my frame whilst dancing – basics that I always need reiterating – and I really noticed some improvement. Its funny, I did salsa dancing for a little bit, and it really paid off today! If you don’t spot when you’re dancing with a partner you’ll knock them flying. I know this from experience. I have also opened up a little to the idea of incorporating a few spins into a solo I am choreographing for myself. Just a simple three-point turn, but for me its a big step.
Well, they say a problem shared is a problem halved, and I definitely feel more positive after sharing my experiences. And with that I shall say goodbye for now.
starmouth 